Volume I : Issue 8

December 9th, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

Jewish Doctor Not Kosher Enough For Aspiring Bartender

BATON ROUGE, LA —–¬†After spending a couple of years in turmoil, Jamie Babineaux (24) decided to end her long distance relationship and pursue a Jewish doctor that lives considerably closer to home. However, Babineaux realized in just a short period of time that this Jewish doctor just isn’t quite kosher enough.

When questioned about the demise of her relationship, Babineaux responded, “At first I thought it was going to be fine. I immediately went to Barnes and Noble to buy a book on Judaism so I could learn how to properly communicate with him. Since I’ve decided to end the relationship though, I suppose I can focus on my career as a bartender.”

One of the regular bar guests of the local Irish pub that Babineaux is employed, who asked not to be identified, commented by saying, “Jamie is single again? Wow, normally I would jump for joy because that chick is really cute. However, I feel as if I don’t have a chance. The way I see it, in order to get in those pants, you’ll need to be a doctor, lawyer, or living in Oregon. Also, being that I’m a Catholic and not Jewish is also working against me.”

A fellow bartender of Babineaux by the name of Jeremy Pastorek (20) added by saying, “I’ve only been working with her for the past 2-3 months, so I really don’t have much of an idea as to the history of her failed relationships. I can say this though, she sure needs to work on her bartending skills. That’s why I continue to throw napkins and various pieces of trash on the ground so I can watch her bend over and pick them up. People would think of those actions as being chauvinistic and all, but I see it as me showing her just what it takes to make tips around here.”

The question remains however as to what exactly went wrong with the relationship that Babineaux decided to call it quits. When queried about this, Babineaux responded by saying, “The guy was a little clingy, but all in all, I feel as if I was going to have to adjust too much within my current lifestyle. The guy took me to a synagogue on our first date, which I thought was a little weird, but when he asked me to go to his cousin’s barmitzvah, that was the last straw. I considered holding out until Hannukah because I found 8 days of presents really appealing, but seeing him wear one of those frisbee type looking things on his head would make me laugh too much.”

One of Babineaux’s friends and bar guests by the name of Bob Laurent (29) commented by saying, “Jamie will bounce back. She always does. In a way, this is a good move for her. I mean, what if things were to have gotten really serious with those two? The thought of knowing someone by the name of Jamie Sack would have been too funny. One good thing I can say about that guy is: at least his first name wasn’t Nut.”

When asked about her future plans, Babineaux responded by saying, “Bartending, bartending, bartending. That’s what I want to be when I grow up.” It was at this time however, that a bar guest walked up to the bar, asked for a ‘Rum and Coke’. Babineaux then¬† turned to a fellow bartender and asked, “What’s in that again?”

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