Stepparenting…
Baseball just started in our little community and Trace has recently started practicing with his new team. They draft teams each year, so he’ll see some familiar faces and some new faces. Well, Trace was fortunate enough to be on the same team with Devon. Devon’s dad was Trace’s basketball coach this past season (they went 10-0 - Woot!) so it was really neat to see Trace’s basketball coach again and talk with him some more. Anyway, at one of the recent practices, I had a good opportunity to talk with Devon’s dad for an extensive amount of time. The topic of parenting came up and he went on to tell me about how much admiration he has for stepparents.
Now in case some of you out there don’t know, I am Trace’s stepfather. I married his mother roughly 3 years ago, but she and I have been together since before Trace’s 2nd birthday.
Back to the story though, Dany (Devon’s dad) explained to me about his wife being a stepmother to his oldest son and truly adores her for accepting this child from a previous marriage as if he were her own. He commented further by saying that if he didn’t know any better, he would have thought Trace was my own because I’m always the one he sees at practices, I’m always the one he sees at every game.
He found it quite odd that Trace’s father just doesn’t make the effort to be there for his own son because when he and his wife split up, he made it a point (including changing jobs) to make sure he was a part of his son’s life. He said that he thinks he saw Trace’s dad at the very last basketball game, to which I said, “yes, he was, but Susan had to guilt him into going.” Dany shook his head and told me that Trace was indeed lucky to have a stepfather willing to do whatever it took to make sure Trace didn’t do without the experiences that all kids should have growing up. It made me feel good. I like doing things for Trace.
However, with being the stepfather, there are times when it’s not that great either. Father’s Day is hard on me. It really sucks that his a**hole of a father gets to go months without calling or seeing his son, but makes sure he swoops in on Father’s Day to pick up his son. I told this to Dany, and he comforted me by saying, “Bob, that is the tough part of being the step. But trust me, it gets easier. It may be years from now, but when he gets old enough, he’ll think back and you’ll be the one he remembers as doing all these things with him.”
That same day, my wife and I picked up iPhones. I told Trace that when I got an iPhone, I would give him my old phone for him to use. Well, I couldn’t get back into the car before he was asking me for my old phone. Of course, I chuckled, because he’s 8 and wouldn’t expect anything less than that.
A few days later, his a**hole of a father called the house. We always let Trace answer it because, well, neither Susan nor I want to talk to the bastard (if we can help it). Trace went on to tell his father that he has a phone now and was smiling about it. It was at that point when he said, “My mom and dad just got iPhones, so now I have a phone…”
My jaw dropped, but I have to admit, it made me giddy to hear him refer to me as his dad (especially to his dad).